Here are five practical, compassionate tips to help an older person move to aged care or a retirement home—and, just as importantly, to help them feel on side and able to speak positively about this next chapter of life.
While “getting excited” about the move may be unrealistic, helping an older person feel heard, respected, and supported is entirely possible. With the right approach, this transition can become less about what’s being lost and more about what’s being protected: safety, dignity, connection, and quality of life. The following five tips focus on building trust, preserving autonomy, and gently reframing the move as a positive next chapter—one that they can speak about with acceptance, and even optimism, as they step forward.
- Reframe the Move as Support, Not Loss
One of the biggest barriers is the feeling that moving into aged care means losing independence. Gently reframe the conversation away from what’s ending and toward what’s being gained. Emphasise support, safety, and ease—no more worrying about home maintenance, cooking every meal, or managing everything alone.
Use language carefully. Instead of saying, “You can’t manage at home anymore,” try, “This will make life easier and safer so you can focus on the things you enjoy.” Framing the move as an upgrade in support rather than a decline in ability helps preserve dignity and self-worth.
- Involve Them in Every Decision (Even Small Ones)
Feeling powerless can create resistance. Wherever possible, give them choice and control. This might include selecting the facility, choosing between room layouts, deciding what furniture comes with them, or even picking the move-in date.
Small decisions matter. Being able to say, “This was my choice” goes a long way toward acceptance. When older people feel respected and heard, they are far more likely to speak positively about the move—even if it wasn’t their original plan.
- Focus on What Stays the Same
Change can feel overwhelming, especially later in life. Help reduce anxiety by highlighting continuity. Talk about the routines, hobbies, and relationships that will stay the same—or even improve.
If they enjoy gardening, mention the communal garden. If they like company, point out social activities or shared meals. Reassure them that favourite furniture, photos, and personal items will come with them. The goal is to show that they are not leaving their identity behind—just changing the setting.
- Talk About the Next Chapter, Not the Final One
Aged care is often seen as an “end point,” which can be confronting. Gently shift the narrative to a new chapter instead. Many people experience less stress, better health, and more social connection once daily pressures are removed.
You might say, “This is a chance to have more energy for the things you enjoy,” or “This could open up new friendships and experiences.” The aim isn’t forced excitement—but realistic optimism. When spoken about positively by family, it becomes easier for them to do the same.
- Acknowledge Their Feelings—Don’t Dismiss Them
Fear, sadness, anger, or grief are completely normal. Avoid brushing these feelings aside with comments like “It’ll be fine” or “You’ll love it.” Instead, acknowledge the loss and complexity of the transition.
Try saying, “I know this is a big change, and it’s okay to feel unsure,” or “Anyone would find this hard.” Feeling emotionally understood builds trust—and trust makes cooperation possible. When someone feels supported rather than pushed, they’re more likely to engage with the move in a healthier, more positive way.
In summary: You may not be able to make an elderly person excited about moving to aged care—but you can help them feel respected, supported, and hopeful. With the right language, involvement, and emotional care, the move can be seen not as an ending, but as a safer, supported step into the next phase of life.
If this article has inspired you to think about your unique situation and, more importantly, what you and your family are going through right now, please get in touch with your advice professional.
This information does not consider any person’s objectives, financial situation, or needs. Before making a decision, you should consider whether it is appropriate in light of your particular objectives, financial situation, or needs.
(Feedsy Exclusive)